Still in the Broom Closet...

There are all kinds of self-help books for pagans and wiccans on how to "come out of the broom closet" to your friends and family. But it's not that simple. Sometimes there are situations where you can't come out to those you care about because the cost outweighs any good that might come from it. I've been very lucky to have so many open-minded friends, many of whom have pagan leanings. Once I gathered the courage and found the right time, I just let it come out as causally as possible. Sure you gotta test the waters first, but not with everyone. Family, on the other hand, can be an entirely different kettle of tea.

I come from a very Christian family, one that still believes witches and magick are evil and that it's all demon-worship, etc. I hate to admit it but lying has become commonplace for me on the home front with my parents. I just found a local pagan meet-up group to go to in the area where I moved, but I can't share that joy with my parents or even my aunt, uncles, and grandmother. Instead, I have to settle for saying I found a meditation group that I want to go try out so I can get back into meditating more regularly. I know lying is bad, but it's not only easy, it's necessary. One day I'll probably come out, and that'll be the day when I no longer have to rely on my family for financial support and I can afford to be disowned, because that's likely what will happen.

However, my motives for lying aren't wholely selfish. I know for a fact that my parents will blame themselves for my "straying from the path". "We didn't go to church enough." "We didn't pray enough." "We didn't try hard enough." "We're horrible parents." It will already be hard facing their disappointment in me, but knowing that it will cause them so much guilt and doubt is just impossible to deal with right now. I don't want to put them through that. I'm their only child, the one they've put their hopes into, and they have never been bad parents. In fact they were wonderful parents, but sometimes the children need to question and learn on their own, and if they find a better way, a way that suits them more than what they were taught, that's just life.

My parents are Christians, they may not go to church anymore, they may not pray or read their bibles all that much anymore, but they are good people and deserve to go to whatever heaven they believe in. As their child, I feel the only thing I can give them in return for all they've done for me is lies so that they can go on unaware and never have to feel as disappointed in me or themselves as I know they would if I ever came out to them. Is it wrong of me? I don't know; I'm not sure I want to know. I just know that I want my parents to be happy, even if there are still secrets and lies. They deserve whatever happiness I can give them.

And so, for the rest of you pagans still hiding in the broom closet, trust me, I know how you feel and now you know you're not alone. If you're having trouble holding your beliefs in, then find someone in your area who you can talk to, even if it's someone you've never met and you're scared. Sometimes it's a good idea to step outside your comfort zone, otherwise you're gonna start to lose it and your inner balance will be blown to smoldering bits. If there's ever a time or a way for you to come out to those you care about, don't pass it up, it'll lift a very heavy burden from your soul. But if you're not comfortable or feel it's not the right time, then don't, because it can cause a whole new level of emotional and spiritual hurt that you may not be ready to deal with.

So now that I've reached the end of this, let me just say again: you are not alone. Peace and light be with you all as you go forth into the world.

Reviews in review

The typical review is expected to involve a summary of the thing being reviewed, followed by an objective opinion from the writer. I say bulls#!t. As writers, we can do much more. The last time I checked this wasn't high school where you're required to regurgitate what you've read or seen and then give a brief, well-backed-up opinion on it. This is the real world, where you're allowed to speak in the first person, give your opinion freely, and not have to worry about whether or not you've given it in the proper order with citations proving you're not the only one who thinks such-and-such a way.

So you want to know how a real review should go? Read up.

Without giving any spoilers, address some of the more important details of whatever it is you're reviewing and then give your opinion on each thing as you go. For instance, when reviewing a book, give some input on how you feel about the character development while giving a bit of a summary at the same time. Use that as a springboard to go into any plot holes or slip-ups you found while reading. Then, once you've reached the end of your article, give an overall opinion of the book. This keeps you from sounding like the inside flap of a dust jacket and gets your reader more involved and interested in what you have to say. You can't just go "this is what the book's about" and then give it a thumbs up or down; you have to be more creative and thoughts-on. WHY didn't you like the book? Was it just too slow for you? Did a character remind you of someone you knew when you were a kid? It could be anything and everything, so explore your opinion as you give it.

C'mon people, I know you can do better. Fresh writing styles are the new regurgitation technique, so use 'em. Overall, I give the reviews of today (for anything) a 4.5 out of 10. So much for advances in literature.

Anime in review: "Kampfer"

I was skeptical when I first read the description for "Kampfer". A guy turning into a girl and fighting other girls for....what were they fighting over again? Despite my reservations, I clicked on the link for the first episode, curiousity winning out. I was suprised to find myself hooked and the anime soon became one of my most frequently watched shows. Artistically it suited what I like to see when watching an anime, and even though the description mentioned girls fighting, there was a lot more plot than I was expecting to see. The main character, Natsuru, is thrown into a battle he doesn't understand (something most of the characters have in common) with the restriction that, to use his powers, he has to turn into a girl. Why he has to turn into a girl is never really explained, nor why he has such high sex appeal amongst both the male and female members of his school when he is in that form. As a viewer I would've appreciated a bit more explanation on this front, but ok, I can deal without it.

I was rather disappointed to find Natsuru so oblivious to the affections of those around him. The three girls he teamed up with were consistently coming on to him, some more blatantly than others. While I didn't mind to see such bold female characters who could take care of themselves, I wasn't so fond of a lead male character who just couldn't seem to grasp what was going on around him. He didn't to put two and two together until the second-to-last episode, which came too soon, and even then he still failed to have a complete understanding of why the girls surrounding him acted as they did.

The ending itself was, in short, disappointing. Rounding out at 12 episodes and one special, the series is definitely underdeveloped. The 12th episode didn't even have anything to do with the main arc and left me wondering why it was even added in to begin with. The actual story line could've been extended much further to add more depth to all of the characters. As it is, only two of the main characters seem to have any real personality beyond what the viewer is originally shown. As a side note, there's a huge emphasis on the female form in this anime, especially breasts. If things like that bother then I do not recommend you watch this one.

With an ending that left me wishing they'd added more, and so little character development, one might wonder why I liked the anime. Despite it's flaws, the story was compelling enough to keep me watching and the plot twists certainly helped keep it going. I won't give away what happens (you'll have to find out for yourself should you choose to watch it) but I will say it's not a complete waste of time. Overall I give it a 7.5 out of 10.

For the book-seeking pagan....

It's easy to go into a bookstore and find the New Age section. Picking out the right book is, however, another matter entirely. If you're like me, limited by funds and unaligned with a particular pantheon, it can be even harder. So many of the books out there tell you that you need all these different items to be able to get anything done and they make it seem like you have to adher to a particular group of gods/goddesses. But this isn't true: there's no need for you to stick to one set. I know many pagans who mix and match and some who don't follow anyone. As for what they tell you to buy, those are just tools you can use to focus your mind and energy.

My recommendation here is to be careful. Try not to spend too much on the books in the first place and give anything you pick up a good look-through before purchasing. Odds are, if you can't find anything helpful on the first run, you won't once you get it home either. It's always a good idea to pick up a book that gives you tips and tricks for energy work, instead of a book geared solely towards casting spells, this will help give you a good basis for creating your own practices that require no items for focus. And for the items themselves, a trip to your local Wal-mart or Target can produce candles, bowls, and many of the other typical items you might need. However, I do not recommend buying your incense from these kinds of places, as the smells and content can be quite different from the real, hand-rolled stuff. If you can't find a store in your area that sells good incense, try some of the online places (I'll be giving store reviews in other posts).

If you do happen to buy a book that doesn't suit, you can always return it and try again. Sometimes trial and error is necessary, just don't go overboard with the returns or you might make the bookstores a little unhappy. A few suggested readings so far: "True Magick" by Amber K and, for the aspiring shaman, "The Temple of Shamanic Witchcraft" by Christopher Penczak. These are just to get you started; I've read both myself and found quite a lot of useful information. "True Magick" does have some spells, but it's main focus is to teach the reader the basics of the craft, such as history, how to cast a circle, and even figuring out the type of magick the reader may excel at. For now, these are all I have to offer, but I'll be providing reviews of more books as I come to them myself.

The Praying Cat

silver star of the praying cat.
the Soul of nothing.
bitter memory forever captured
within the night sky.
heaven's guard. golden door
of worlds.
a whisper of my roar stops
the flow of time.
I hunt
I hunt
dark light I am, beautiful chaos, "your"
Protector, avenger, & forgiver
forever on guard.
This plane I live in quivers
like the water rippling, it is
the birth place of the Stars.