Still in the Broom Closet...

There are all kinds of self-help books for pagans and wiccans on how to "come out of the broom closet" to your friends and family. But it's not that simple. Sometimes there are situations where you can't come out to those you care about because the cost outweighs any good that might come from it. I've been very lucky to have so many open-minded friends, many of whom have pagan leanings. Once I gathered the courage and found the right time, I just let it come out as causally as possible. Sure you gotta test the waters first, but not with everyone. Family, on the other hand, can be an entirely different kettle of tea.

I come from a very Christian family, one that still believes witches and magick are evil and that it's all demon-worship, etc. I hate to admit it but lying has become commonplace for me on the home front with my parents. I just found a local pagan meet-up group to go to in the area where I moved, but I can't share that joy with my parents or even my aunt, uncles, and grandmother. Instead, I have to settle for saying I found a meditation group that I want to go try out so I can get back into meditating more regularly. I know lying is bad, but it's not only easy, it's necessary. One day I'll probably come out, and that'll be the day when I no longer have to rely on my family for financial support and I can afford to be disowned, because that's likely what will happen.

However, my motives for lying aren't wholely selfish. I know for a fact that my parents will blame themselves for my "straying from the path". "We didn't go to church enough." "We didn't pray enough." "We didn't try hard enough." "We're horrible parents." It will already be hard facing their disappointment in me, but knowing that it will cause them so much guilt and doubt is just impossible to deal with right now. I don't want to put them through that. I'm their only child, the one they've put their hopes into, and they have never been bad parents. In fact they were wonderful parents, but sometimes the children need to question and learn on their own, and if they find a better way, a way that suits them more than what they were taught, that's just life.

My parents are Christians, they may not go to church anymore, they may not pray or read their bibles all that much anymore, but they are good people and deserve to go to whatever heaven they believe in. As their child, I feel the only thing I can give them in return for all they've done for me is lies so that they can go on unaware and never have to feel as disappointed in me or themselves as I know they would if I ever came out to them. Is it wrong of me? I don't know; I'm not sure I want to know. I just know that I want my parents to be happy, even if there are still secrets and lies. They deserve whatever happiness I can give them.

And so, for the rest of you pagans still hiding in the broom closet, trust me, I know how you feel and now you know you're not alone. If you're having trouble holding your beliefs in, then find someone in your area who you can talk to, even if it's someone you've never met and you're scared. Sometimes it's a good idea to step outside your comfort zone, otherwise you're gonna start to lose it and your inner balance will be blown to smoldering bits. If there's ever a time or a way for you to come out to those you care about, don't pass it up, it'll lift a very heavy burden from your soul. But if you're not comfortable or feel it's not the right time, then don't, because it can cause a whole new level of emotional and spiritual hurt that you may not be ready to deal with.

So now that I've reached the end of this, let me just say again: you are not alone. Peace and light be with you all as you go forth into the world.